Let's start at the very beginning

Adoption.

I’m sure to many of you it certainly sounds like a crazy out-of-the-blue idea because it isn’t something we talked about very much.....but the thoughts and prayers and conversations that have taken place over the last 8+ years (yeah, I can’t believe we’ve been married that long either) have been too numerous to count.  Even when we were dating, I think we mentioned it a few times--just that we thought it was a ‘cool idea’ and that we could ‘maybe, one-day, a long time from now kind-of think about possibly adopting....’ There’s seemingly been no pattern to when it comes up, but it is obvious that the Lord keeps bringing it to each of our minds in His timing.  

Of course, it was at the forefront when we miscarried before Moriah was born.  Then again after our ectopic pregnancy that ended in loss as well.  At that point we decided maybe adoption would be the only way we added to our family.  God clearly had other plans, and gave us little M just when we thought having a biological child was not the plan He had for us.  So then our adoption plans went on hold for a bit while we didn’t sleep for like, a whole year (but it was worth it and we love you Morie!!). 

I think our thoughts about adoption started to increase again as Moriah gets older and more and more independent everyday.  We thought about our family and in many ways felt our family wasn’t quite complete yet....But I certainly wasn’t feeling like the Lord was telling us to have another biological child.  In fact, just when I would start getting baby-fever, I would hear a story about a foster child, see something on the news about a sibling group that couldn’t find a forever home, hear a story about child abuse, talk to our friends who brought home their adopted child, or hear about a teen mom who is scared and alone, and long to help those families.  We would see families who have multiple children and the interactions they are having and lessons they are learning from one another and think about how Moriah could benefit, be challenged, and grow with another child in our home. Then we would have a few weeks of saying, “Nope, we must be wrong.  We’re good, just the three of us,” and discuss all the implications of another child (logistics in our house, finances, child care, etc) and talk ourselves out of it.  Momentarily, anyway.  

We thought about how our lives were getting gradually ‘easier’ as Moriah gets older and more independent.  (I hesitate to use the word 'easier' because life can throw all sorts of twists and turns your way no matter how many kids you have....but I can’t figure out a better way to say what I mean....we are sleeping, I can actually make dinner without wearing Moriah in a carrier, etc...) The words calculated and comfortable are what kept coming to our minds when we described our life.  I’m a self proclaimed planner, and there is little to nothing about adoption that is planned, calculated or comfortable.  We kept wanting to say no to adopting, but our hearts just continued to break for kids without a family to belong to.  

Then we went to Michigan over the summer of 2014. Patrick and I both felt like the Lord was asking us to stretch--to make ourselves uncomfortable; to take a leap of faith and trust that He would provide whatever we need for the next step in our journey. Not even just provide what we needed, but challenge and grow us through the process. 

John 10:10 kept coming to my mind, “...I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” Jesus didn’t say life would be good, easy, comfortable or calculated...but He did say it would be FULL. For the first time in a long time we had an extended, uninterrupted discussion about what this could look like, what types of adoption we would be comfortable with, as well as our numerous fears.  As scary as it was, as we were driving back to the airport to fly home, we both said to each other: “Yes. We’re doing this.  I don’t know how, exactly, or what to do next, but....YES. We are adopting.”